some things just feel like ceremony to me. they drop me into a space of ritual, a space of deep listening, a space of allowing.
coffee, for instance. igniting the kettle to boil the water (and usually light my palo santo). opening the bag of ground beans and sticking my nose inside. taking my first cup black, always. letting the french press steep. pouring. waiting. smelling. sipping.
coming into this new moon, i find myself exhausted by any and all human contact, preferring the company of my dog, henry, and spending time in the presence of the akashic records. i spent the morning in one of my most valued new moon rituals: tidying my home and blessing my space with gratitude and love. i changed my bedding and thoroughly cleaned my casita. i stocked my refrigerator and prepared food for myself, and i am giving myself permission to be slow, quiet, and still.
it is, by the way, the lunar new year. this new moon passes through capricorn, as the sun shines in aquarius. a time of innovation and planning. the first new cycle after a series of eclipses, it is an auspicious time to call in your intentions for the days ahead.
if there is one thing these months in the desert have taught me, it is the value of intention.
all beings are energy. and all beings, in correlation to their complexity, spin energy. humans, being the complex creatures we are, have the capacity to spin tremendous energy and make manifest any thought that receives enough of our attention. what a wild realization.
when we are thinking, feeling, and moving in alignment with our purpose, we enter that magical flow state. we honor our creator with our creations. we heal. we grow. we breathe and learn that we are breathed. we live as though life is happening through us and not to us. conscious co-creators: the universe expressing itself through our bodymind.
unfortunately, the opposite of creation is not stasis. it is, of course, destruction. like a rambunctious dog digging holes in the yard. when our energy is untamed and unfocused, it spirals out of control, causing friction, pain, and emotional forest fires in its wake.
i learned this the way most people learn things. the hard way.
very recently, i lived through and participated in the ending of a wildly powerful, extremely complicated relationship. the energy we conducted together was ferocious, and we spent years trying to contain a flame that continually threatened to burn both of our lives to the ground.
when i came to the desert, i gave myself, for the first time in my life, space and freedom to ask myself the big and terrifying questions. not just, how will i grow my business, and what will i work on next? but who am i? why am i here? what is the highest use of the gifts i have been given? asking the holy spirit to work through me, to heal through me, to live life through my being.
and it is only now that i am beginning to see the ways that my lack of focus was manifesting and causing harm in every other area of my life. for example: that relationship i mentioned, with all of its potential and all of its elemental magic, lacked focus. neither of us was in a space to offer long-lasting, pure commitment. neither of us was willing to be clear about what we wanted. we both tripped into it unintentionally. we both stayed time and time again out of a bittersweet combination of love, longing, hope, and addiction. and this was made possible because there was nothing to compare it to, no way to tell if we were on track, moving toward something in alignment with who either of us is or wants to be. constantly inundated by the sheer magnitude of our interactions, we were too scared to get closer and too invested to sever ties.
the takeaway is this: every area of our lives — finances, work, relationships, personal development — needs a clear focus. without it, the energy implodes and causes continual disappointment, aggravation, and suffering. and considering that the mind needs something to latch onto, it will see this suffering and cling to it every time. it will wear it as like a cloak, and soon enough this will harden into its identity.
but this doesn’t have to be forever. these painful emotions are our wake up calls. this is our higher self reminding us what is out of alignment, what has fallen haphazardly into darkness.
energy rides on the vibration of our thoughts and feelings. and we have control over those. even in times of turmoil, when, as i say, life unfolds perpendicular to your preferences, you can choose to be optimistic, joyful, appreciative, and calm. this is a skill that can be practiced, cultivated, and improved upon. once you’re able to return to a peaceful mind, you are able to listen to your heart’s requests.
you can hear the body asking for rest or activity or for certain kinds of foods. you can hear the spirit begging to play, to create. you can hear the mind as it hungers for learning, for development. and you can hear the soul as it guides you toward your passions, your calling, and your life’s purpose.
if you are not in a practice of this kind of deep listening, now is the time. in the next few days, set a date with yourself, and honor it as you would a meeting with anyone else. find somewhere quiet where you can be undisturbed. turn off your screens. bring a notebook or a journal. if you’re at home, light a candle or some incense or burn some essential oils. create a space that delights you, that calms you, and that is conducive to a peaceful and proactive mind.
what is my what?
what lights me up?
what is the most important thing to me?
as the month unfolds, and you get into those sticky moments, those scary moments, those boring and stuck moments, those moments that don’t seem to have a clear “way out,” remind yourself. what is your what. and is what you’re doing or feeling or thinking right now bringing you closer to that or further away?
and watch as the fires in your life put themselves out. as they rearrange their elemental magic to warm your heart and to light your path.
blessings with unconditional, ever-expansive, heart-wide-open love.
astrological reflection thanks to the work and words of debra silverman.